shan’t, chant, change

“i bet there’s thunder incoming” – “why?” – “my head hurts in a specific way” – “… it has been quite the storm already, yes”.

i don’t move and go back to eyes closed. Let me go… “where to?” – “wherever, but inside here” – “… there’s just this place to sit” – “yeah but we can explore corners and drag things around. we can certainly not be in the same spot – new perspectives! (miserable laughter)”

i thank them, not without a toast (not the food, the cheering, the salut, o brinde!) and a few pure delights of pure sugar and egg.

and it is peaceful and warm and I love it.

pffft!

ah, the fulfilled meaning of something we cannot name yet. Quite a few days!

it’s all fun and games until life throws you for a swirl and you go “huh?!” and they go “han?!” and you hear someone yelling “SOLO!” in the background.

there are no statistics for the number of times one has thought there was a final step on a flight of stairs that wasn’t really there and saw their life flashing before their eyes when the body sent that info to the brain. I wonder if there’s a human in this world that hasn’t felt that and I have to believe there are loads of them. Lucky bastards…

if we were to close our eyes and believe we were walking at home, where we can guide ourselves through the dark pretty well, unless there was a hurricane coming and we were on the little pig straw house we could walk right along the highest cliff and fear nothing. Without the hurricane just the same.

you turn around and see them – oh…! Hi, hello – do you ever roll your eyes… in your mind? When you cannot do it physically because… *obvious* but you just want to bend your knees a bit, roll your eyes and pretend you’re gagging and the vocal cords want to help with a loud “ughhhh” but you really can’t – it should be socially acceptable.
the commons are for themselves to accept the title.

i’ve learned to walk *around* and I’ve unlocked a magical human stealthiness unlike anything you could (never) see. Ha! My body has a good radar and it learned to swing and move like a fighter jet. A bit slower but still precise…

i talked to her today, and she wasn’t as insane as I thought she would be. Although it still surprises me that people can sleep in a chair or in public transportation while I still have to force myself to go walk out in public imagining and repeating to myself that everyone I see is not real, just a ghostly figure, paying attention to the ground (I understand the “look ahead” stuff but with my – lack of – coordination and balance make it quite a challenge!) wearing earphones that might not even be playing anything.

kicking a small rock that was not blocking the road, just my next step. That thing went straight to a corner as if it was a piece of that puzzle. I wish I had proof, it felt good – like I did something for the well-being of the people!

looking away from the blood, still, always and sometimes getting worse. Oh, it’s never the blood, I’m fine with it. I’m OK with the human anatomy dissected, the scenes left behind after a bloody murder or the body itself – it’s fascinating to be aware of everything we are not – eg. special. But there’s some kind of special evil in the manner in which, in the year 2022, we still poke through with a metal slanted piece that I always imagine going too far and scratching the bone.

there’s a special kind of stupid that believes there is still privacy in whatever you do. That’s why it’s imperative to keep the most important stuff in your soul (and maybe a couple of others, if they’re meant to be shared) and write about ridiculous things.

also, why do people talk so damn loud? Whispers are beautiful. Turn it down a notch and send me off to sleep with nothing but a heartbeat. It’s worth a lifetime of spoken words.

all of this for silence. Silence is all there is.

:-)

no more voices outside
no more out-of-context screams coming from animated conversations I didn’t ask to listen

the rain hits the windows and I wake up with a smile
sometimes it’s the perfect background sound… and it keeps going and it weeps with me, whispering “It’s OK…”
it never whimpers the same way, for it is more confident in its mission
i appreciate the embrace and embrasse it back, as it slips down my cheeks
beauty is where you find yourself feeling cuddled

3 types of chocolate at hand, a dark yellow ambient light and… peace