next big thing!

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What is the next big thing when you have missed all the latest next big possible things? 
Is there someway of getting back the last missed big thing? 
Do I have to wait for another, completely different next big thing? 
What do I do with the missed next big things?

Each next big thing is weighing just about the same as an elephant. On a donkey. On a whale. On the whole fucking ocean. On top of every single particle of sand. 

That is just too much weight for me to go about and, you know, ACT NATURAL.

I can’t ACT FUCKING NATURAL and keep my composure when the next big thing is gone. 
I can’t act fucking happy when the next big thing turns into the last forgotten thing. 
I can’t even sleep properly when the next big thing is nothing but a faint sepia portrait of a reality I never lived. 

What do I do?
What would you do?
How do people go about with all the pressure from the next big things?

I think… in fact I’m quite perceptive. 
So I can usually predict outcomes and deal with situations as they are in escape velocity. 
I can! I swear! 
 But there’s this little, tiny, cute yet diabolical void (the same size of a possible dream) within me that screams the next big thing inside.

I close my eyes and lose all the senses, I see small light balls blinking around, I feel sick and dizzy and my heart forgets that it should keep a rhythm!

That fucking tiny, minute void is more powerful than the other 99.(9)% of me. 
And so, I go along.
I play the game. 
I am myself, at all times, everyday. 
I am myself as in 99.9%. 
Because I can’t really be me (or at least a happier version of myself) if that 0,00001% keeps screaming with the mightiness of a thousand drums.

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