timing

fucking timing

timing is all
more than actual time in itself and it’s wholesome absolute value, timing is what drives us to go both mad or bad.

it can also deliver a sense of well being but timing is usually relayed upon for the worst of scenarios…

“wow! great timing!” – ever heard it without the sarcastic tone?

i seem to get it wrong all the time with timing

i’m never where i should/want/need to be at the right time
but i’m always there at the wrong time for things i don’t really want nor need…

it’s great that time provides me the change of elasticity – being, living, moving, acting.

… well i could have all the time in the world! i truly could! and yet, i would never be at the right place at the right time

i seem to have the most amazing ability to insert myself… well, not really – there’s no intention it just fuckin’ happens!
let’s say that “chance” has the most amazing ability to insert ME in moments and places that i should avoid because i want something different

it’s like… i must be the holy grail for all the “wrong place wrong time” bursts of innocent domination…

(i’ll use this chance to clarify that the expression is wrong, a fallacy – the logic swipes it up to a “wrong place right time” + for bad things to happen… see?)

all the movements and the moments are deeply connected in a strange sort of panoramas that end up pilling themselves.

i do everything right – i must say i’m pretty lowkey when it comes to social interacting. i’m abruptly honest and i think i have good intentions, always. come to think about it, i never had someone i truly disliked and that disliked me. if i don’t want you on my way, i just step aside, no need to frown…

yet, to that fragility that i keep showing because my core believes that i should really be this transparent – there’s nothing to lose from being honest, right?

well, it seems not! it seems i should turn myself into a crazy mad young lady with a beam of steel across the heart.

because i give myself, no worries – i don’t ask anything in return. except for the sole proposition of a clear dialogue and cleared ideas – specially when things are too foggy emotionally and i truly need to clear things out. i can’t go off that rollercoaster until i know what’s going on.
that’s humane, that’s reasonable.

but… timing!!

if it were in another place…
if i wasn’t already…
if
if
if
if

fucking if’s and should’s and but’s

i can imagine my life being at the right place at the right time for good things to happen.

and whoa! fuck me! my life would turn 180º – i can clearly see how much things would change.
but nop, timing has been relentless in keeping me away from what, who, when, where i’m happy about/with/in…

it’s truly frustrating and one of those things i try to turn around everyday but all my efforts come to bite me in the ass quicker than i can say “fuck…”

so yeah… i know somewhere in a parallel universe i may have mastered timing.
or i should say, timing has mastered me …

and the path would be clear, the fog would disappear and i would sing “i can see clearly now the rain is gone…”

for now?

up to no good – not on purpose, it’s just that i can’t be up to something good when timing fucks around with me like a puppet doll…

let’s see how much i’ll miss of possible opportunities for happiness and good times in the next month.

i could even count them one by one now that i think about it!

i already have a permanent list of “facepalms” of timing in my head – they’re not pretty and they hurt

and even as i’m writing this now, my eyes just rolled just thinkin’ about it…

maybe i should do everything i wouldn’t normally do…
if i’m walking to the right i should stop and turn to the left even if i miss a big appointment

maybe i should say someone “fuck off” instead of “tell me more”

maybe i should go to sleep when the day starts and wake up as soon as night sets in

maybe i should chew liquids and drink solids

maybe i should wear skirts on my torso and t-shirts on my legs

maybe when i’m hungry i won’t eat but when i’m ok i’ll just binge

maybe i should walk backwards and that may cause the universe a hole for another dimension in which

timing will be always right. for the right place and the right time for the good things

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