"i'm..... fineeeeeeeuughhh"

my long strong nails with rounded white half-moons at the tips look very alive - I stretch my hands and fool myself. if I can fool myself I'm surely able to fool everyone else.no one told me there would be panic every morningthat I'd spent all day wishing for the moment the magic tablets work their way in my bloodstream and make me die for enough hours to keep hope alivesuddenly I remember - there's a finish line. There wasn't one before, not that I cared to notice anyway.the phone rings and the automated voice, usually just a treat to make me laugh as the voice butchers the names of most people who call  (all OS's must be in english, I am not)  just belts out a beautifully pronounced name... happiness overflows, to me."keep going"i am. Don't really know why or how - mostly why but still unsure for I never offered my beloved stubbornness away.i will tomorrow - I'll be a bit louder than usual for the best reason I'd never imagine having.all in all, having you on the background is a lovely intrusive thought....(thank you, P)