at what cost? Nevermind, I'll take it

tiredness // the fatigue of hearing too many different voices

for each their own tone; for each, an unfamiliar pitch - no musicality. Each letter of every spoken word adds up inside my brain as a droplet of water, the level rises to "dangerous", . . . – – – . . ., until it slides off in tears. Other times I the ocean comes to visit deep inside my head - from left to right, right to left, left to right, ad nauseam

my own movements follow the rhythm and I swerve - useful for avoiding obstacles when I cannot perceive them consciously

so many changes yet... the same lovely smells, the love for the night, the love for the kisses, the love for loving

I have new keys but I don't know where they belong. It's a treasure hunt without a map, a straight road that insists on following through with the same trees, the same gust of wind, the same... tiredness. In all their differences they all look the same.

everything hurts // except knowing that sometimes it stops... so I wait.

and I wait, and wait and keep waiting while still moving and going and repeating... Repeat, repeat, repeat.

suddenly all the spoken words, all the faces (that I forget as soon as they're out of sight)... they wear me down. The beeps, the screechings, the sudden, the repeat - everything hurts. I will stop. I will stop for love. For me. For you. I need to stop. I am desperately waiting for the moment when all sounds stop, all movement freezes and I can breathe without complaining...

I am terribly happy

...terribly exhausted